arrrgh

Its one of those days. . . William didn't sleep very well last night, Hubby and I both got frustrated. I have no idea what to do. He slept really well on Tuesday after a day with Nana, was it because she played with him lots? or was it because he only had a tiny nap? I don't want him to be over tired and hard to keep asleep. but I don't want him to be so well rested that he doesn't want to go to bed. . . This is all very frustrating. Well I have to do my best to put on a happy face for my husband. . . there's no point in both of us being upset.

For some reason I invest myself heavily in facebook. I'm not sure if its because I'm at home all of the time, or my real lack of friends. . . I know lots of people, but all my baby-less friends are busy having a life, and my friends with babies. . . well they are busy having a baby around. . . I'm in a sort of in between, I have a baby but want to be out or at least visited, but he isn't really on food yet so I don't and sometimes can't leave him for long periods of time. Any ways about facebook, I invest heavily and when there isn't activity on my profile I feel like I'm not worth anything, now I realize that's not true and that not everyone has every hour of every day free to be on the computer. Doesn't keep me from getting a sinking feeling.

More on the in between of motherhood, he is still enough of a mystery to me that I don't really have the time to do my own thing, like paint. If I could paint for an hour or two a day I think that would help. . . but I'm still learning about my baby and how to raise him and all that junk. So I don't feel like I can allot the proper amount of time for myself. . . well he is sleeping now. I tried to keep him up, but he is so cranky (he's been awake since 7am) I wish that babies came with manuals.