As I write this my son is in his crib, "talking" and kinda whining. I am having one of those days where it feels like the world is against me. It is silly to think that a tiny baby would be able to understand everything that is going on and then make plans to sabotage it. Today for example the bright spot would be me being able to go out with the family to get boots for Ben and then some groceries at Wal-Mart. But William has decided that even though he has been up since 745am he only needed to sleep for 45mins when put to bed at 1pm for nap time. It is driving me bonkers! I hear "don't keep him up too much or he will be over tired and hard to put to sleep" and so we give him one 2 hour nap a day no later than 1pm and then he is awake until 8pm. . . that worked. . . for one night. He seems to be hungry all the freakin time too, so of course we start to introduce him to food. He hates it. So then I think he just doesn't want to eat it because he wants me to be his boobie slave the rest of his life! it is a fleeting and ridiculous thought. At this very moment I just want my old life back. Once he smiles at me again I will not be able to imagine life without him. . . until then though.

Would it be wrong to let him just cry until he sleeps?

I wish I could be stronger, better at being a parent.

Ever notice how much better things seem when the baby is sleeping. . . ?  he is so amazing, so sweet so perfect, so smart. . . until he wakes up screaming. I have so many irrational feelings like I want to scream at him to shut up. . . but he doesn't know what that means and the yelling would just make him cry more.

Well I suppose I should get him and figure him out. . . but if anyone wants to take my baby and fix him. . . that would be just fine with me.