Ah as my father pointed out I have not blogged in quite a while. There are many reasons for this. . . reasons I cannot remember but seemed important at the time. Not a whole lot has happened really, little things. We got 2 new rugs, they were on sale and with hardwood throughout the house a rug was a smart investment. William is army crawling! He does get up on all fours but then he usually cries about it. I think its because he doesn't know what to do next. We are into the land of Solid food and he LOVES it. So far he has tried prunes, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, apple sauce, pears, PEACHES, peas, Wax beans, carrots, mixed veggies. . . annnnd I think that is all. I guess I do the wrong thing by giving him fruit with his veggies, but whatever.

My hair is gone gone gone! finally I got up the courage to cut it off. There wasn't really much there, but I was worried that really short hair would make me look like a chubby butch lesbian (no offense to butch lesbians chubby or otherwise)  We have been working as much as we can on getting our bathroom finally finished though to tell the truth having a sink in the bathroom now will seem so weird. . . I have been exploring my cooking abilities in the form of pit pies and salads. It is nice to have something different now and again.

We have cleaned out A LOT of the basement. many many things got given away. They may have been ours they may have not been. To be honest if whomever the things belonged to hasn't asked us for them or asked about them by now they can obviously live without them. I myself threw away many sentimental items. They just make me feel weird and sad. . . like if I had lost someone close to me and I still had their things. . . like you feel like you want to go back so hard it hurts. I haven't lost anyone close to me recently, but that's how it feels for those of you who know what I mean. Anyways I didn't like that feeling so I threw the things causing it away. We still have way too many things, 6 couches. . . for a house this size. . . waaaaay too many. Sigh slowly but surely we will get rid of the crap.

William sleeps an average of about 4 hours, sometimes a little more, other times a little less. I still miss my old life a lot, mostly being able to yell at night, or not think about how loud footsteps in the hall can be. My hunny and I were so disappointed in the conservative majority. . . I think that it may be wearing off a little now. We can always rise up against them if they do something really really wrong I guess.

Well I think that about does it for what has happened. Now what is on my mind tonight. . .

**warning the following has stuff about icky lady things that may be offensive to some readers**


I am not a thin girl, I used to be, but after years of drink and a comfortable relationship that all changed. Anyhoo. After having William I'm not sure if it was going from small whale size to pretty chubby or what, but I have felt. . . pretty ok about myself for the most part. Well being a girl and having been preggers and breast feeding I haven't had a M-cycle for. . .oh fuck a year? maybe more. So I get it out of the blue, well there were signs but again after not having it for a year I sorta forgot such things existed. So here I am with a stupid M-cycle and I'm mad as hell, now I have to change the baby AND myself, I already had enough on my damn plate. So, not thinking I put on my face book status "dear body; I hate you regretfully yours Me." now nothing against anyone who posted on that status I know they were just saying something kind. . . and maybe they meant something different than how I took it. The way I took was "aw you are perfect even though you are fat" I mean I wasn't going there at all buts that how it was taken which leads me to believe I hadn't lost any weight from before the pregnancy and so on. . . Any how I feel like if I was thin like I used to be then people would have never taken it in the fat direction, they would have asked what was wrong. . . well thats what I was thinking about.

time to fold some clothes. maybe go to bed.

As I write this my son is in his crib, "talking" and kinda whining. I am having one of those days where it feels like the world is against me. It is silly to think that a tiny baby would be able to understand everything that is going on and then make plans to sabotage it. Today for example the bright spot would be me being able to go out with the family to get boots for Ben and then some groceries at Wal-Mart. But William has decided that even though he has been up since 745am he only needed to sleep for 45mins when put to bed at 1pm for nap time. It is driving me bonkers! I hear "don't keep him up too much or he will be over tired and hard to put to sleep" and so we give him one 2 hour nap a day no later than 1pm and then he is awake until 8pm. . . that worked. . . for one night. He seems to be hungry all the freakin time too, so of course we start to introduce him to food. He hates it. So then I think he just doesn't want to eat it because he wants me to be his boobie slave the rest of his life! it is a fleeting and ridiculous thought. At this very moment I just want my old life back. Once he smiles at me again I will not be able to imagine life without him. . . until then though.

Would it be wrong to let him just cry until he sleeps?

I wish I could be stronger, better at being a parent.

Ever notice how much better things seem when the baby is sleeping. . . ?  he is so amazing, so sweet so perfect, so smart. . . until he wakes up screaming. I have so many irrational feelings like I want to scream at him to shut up. . . but he doesn't know what that means and the yelling would just make him cry more.

Well I suppose I should get him and figure him out. . . but if anyone wants to take my baby and fix him. . . that would be just fine with me.

life is insane! William is stupid cute! and sleep is still non existent. 

politics, you sexy bitch

so. . . basically Harper and Layton want to do the same things. . . generally speaking. . . from what I can tell Harper is focusing a lot on prisons, and the army and Layton is focusing on family and education. What I don't understand is why Harper seems to think we need to protect our borders. . . I mean who the eff would invade Canada? we rock an everything but we aren't really the ones to be invaded. Also I do not like how, for lack of a better word, "American" Harper sounds about drugs. There is this crazy imaginary war on drugs. . . just leave it alone. There have always been drugs, there will always be drugs, the best thing to do is legalize a lot of it. why not?  especially Marijuana it would be a huge amount of money for the country, look at Amsterdam, I don't see the population going crazy for cocaine just because Marijuana is  legal. I am all for Layton. Firstly I just get a bad vibe from Harper. . . like if he were an animal he would be a diseased rat or something. Layton is a lot like a friendly chipmunk. Also from what I understand Harper wants to privatize health care. . .   I may be wrong about that one, still doing the research. Its hard to find sources that don't sound like legal babble, it sounds like we will do this if this is right but not that to make this right and if those both turn wrong this will turn right, not a solid statement, the other parties are just as bad. The last thing we should want, that anyone should want EVER is to have to pay for being sick, injured or having a baby. I don't want to live in financial fear because what if my baby gets sick and has to go to the hospital and once he is better we have to pay thousands of dollars? sounds lousy to me. I've also heard from my dear hubby that when health care costs us then our rates could go up depending on what you buy, there is a possibility that our receipt info could be sent to the companies providing us with health care coverage and then rates go up or down depending on how much "healthy" food you buy. . . . I'm all for being healthy and weight loss but that's a little nanny state for me. 

arrrgh

Its one of those days. . . William didn't sleep very well last night, Hubby and I both got frustrated. I have no idea what to do. He slept really well on Tuesday after a day with Nana, was it because she played with him lots? or was it because he only had a tiny nap? I don't want him to be over tired and hard to keep asleep. but I don't want him to be so well rested that he doesn't want to go to bed. . . This is all very frustrating. Well I have to do my best to put on a happy face for my husband. . . there's no point in both of us being upset.

For some reason I invest myself heavily in facebook. I'm not sure if its because I'm at home all of the time, or my real lack of friends. . . I know lots of people, but all my baby-less friends are busy having a life, and my friends with babies. . . well they are busy having a baby around. . . I'm in a sort of in between, I have a baby but want to be out or at least visited, but he isn't really on food yet so I don't and sometimes can't leave him for long periods of time. Any ways about facebook, I invest heavily and when there isn't activity on my profile I feel like I'm not worth anything, now I realize that's not true and that not everyone has every hour of every day free to be on the computer. Doesn't keep me from getting a sinking feeling.

More on the in between of motherhood, he is still enough of a mystery to me that I don't really have the time to do my own thing, like paint. If I could paint for an hour or two a day I think that would help. . . but I'm still learning about my baby and how to raise him and all that junk. So I don't feel like I can allot the proper amount of time for myself. . . well he is sleeping now. I tried to keep him up, but he is so cranky (he's been awake since 7am) I wish that babies came with manuals.

word to the wise

When you become a mom or a dad, you realize a few things very quickly; It is not that strange or gross to sniff a baby bum to check for poop. Whomever made baby clothes white is a complete idiot. You will never own enough shirts or pairs of pants, especially pajama pants and they will all get pooped on, peed on, puked on and have food flung on them. You don't have the time to be sick. Sleep is. . . wait what is sleep? As cute as they are baby shoes, baby pants and baby shirts have very little use to the practical baby. Babies are lightning fast. Spit up can get in more places than you ever thought. Lets end it on a gross note; you never thought you would be so forgiving of someone who pukes in your mouth, on your face, in your hair, in your crotch, and on your boobs, thinks its a good idea to rub it all over your favorite shirt and in the end makes you clean it up.

the stupidity of a few ruins the game for all of us.

I hate that baby walkers are illegal in Canada. Its illegal to bring them into the country in any way. They are illegal because there were parents who didn't make sure that the door to the basement was closed or at least gated. I shouldn't say those parents were idiots, because they probably weren't. It was just the one time they forgot, or didn't think that the baby would roll away that fast, or something like that. It still has wrecked it for everyone else. My little William wants to move like crazy, we put him in his exersaucer  and he just tries to go forward, he wants that freedom of movement. Its the same with baby bath seats. Impossible to find in stores because they are "dangerous" they aren't dangerous the parents just make mistakes, they may not be stupid people they just made a stupid mistake. If your baby needs a seat in the tub to keep them upright why would you ever take your eyes off them or your hand for that matter!?

The real stupidity comes from the products being banned or deemed illegal. For example; drunk driving and regular driving causes deaths and serious injury, why not ban cars and booze? no one would think of doing that we just punish the people responsible. Lets not forget food, food makes us fat causes people to have high cholesterol and heart attacks not to mention people choke on food, lets make solid food illegal too. I mean how stupid does this all sound? completely stupid. Yet they made rolling baby chairs illegal. . .  why didn't they just punish the parents?