I really miss my friends. It wasn't their fault I know that. I had a life to build, a husband and a baby. I left them long before this though. I left when drinking wasn't fun anymore, and it seemed that's all that they wanted to do. I left when the best feeling in the world wasn't getting high or drunk but snuggling with my sweetie. But now I miss them. Now I wish them back, I wish the parties back. If only for a night. . . . or two. Its hard to see them out having fun, laughing, and not being afraid every second that their fun will be cut short by a baby that won't go back to sleep without his mamma. Not worrying about how much noise is caused by stumbling through the doorway with the favorites of the night in tow to continue the fun in the comfort of a house. They are free, and I am not. Don't misunderstand, I love my family, my sweet William and my wonderful husband. I like to keep house and to have a pretty uneventful, stable and hangover free (for the most part) life. It doesn't mean I can't want to run away and party with my friends. I wish they knew how much I regret not hanging out when I could, that I miss them more than I thought I would. That a little part of me is trying to shine through to not be smothered by laundry and diapers. To not be drowned out by crying, ringing phones and snores. I don't want all that was once me, the free fun loving drink all night smoke all day girl to die. I never wanted that part of me to die, just to be put onto a shelf, but it is dying and I cannot stop it, and there is no one left to care if it does. They have left me.
I miss my friends. . . . I really miss my friends
It must be hard, it comes through in your writing, what to do?
ReplyDeleteAs your situation changes and you move to a different place on a personal level you find new people to hang with who have the same things in common. Yet is good to burn like you were young. If just to be reminded why you chose to become somewhat mature.